Resources for parents to help with the season of Advent

What a wonderful time we had at our ADVENT-ure lunch - for children and families for a time of fellowship and learning more about this season of preparation we call Advent.  We had over 80 people to attend.  Many, many thanks to Julia Tyler, Margaret Almond, Tuckie Paxton, Lisa Cipolletti, the Wilkinsons, the Sumners, Nancy Cowardin, the Rooneys, the Roberts, Betsy Lowery, Ann Bagwell, Christine Kellett, Jean Cauble, Raymond Street (sexton), Meg Rooney, Matt Rooney, Beth Rooney, Michael Whitty, Emily Whitty, Jordan Nurney, Abigail McAllister, Madeleine McAllister, and all the folks who helped bring in greenery.  If I forgot to thank someone, mea culpa.

I wanted to provide you with the resources from our time together.  Here is the folder for Advent resources.  In the folder, you'll find:

Directions to make a pipe cleaner advent wreath - a good way for preschoolers or other children to have their own advent wreath and not have to worry about burning the house down.

A coloring book about the story of Jesus' birth.  A good opportunity for young children to have to color and learn about the story of Jesus' birth.

We created an Advent jar at our lunch (see picture below).  We took a jar and 25 popsicle sticks and wrote different ideas on each stick that will help us prepare for Jesus' coming.  Some examples:  Share your Christmas dinner with someone, do a favor for someone without being asked, or share your favorite Christmas memories.  A lot of ideas to choose from (the ideas are in the folder).  Each evening, as you eat dinner together, select one of the ideas from the jar.

Some general information for advent that will be helpful in talking with your children about Advent and its meaning.  You can create your own advent wreath (we actually used an advent "box").  We got a block of Oasis (floral foam), stuck 4 candles in it (3 purple and 1 pink) and then decorated with greenery.  There are all kinds of advent wreaths/boxes that you can create.  Google it (when did you ever think google would become a verb).

Making Advent rocks.  There are 2 different ideas for the advent rocks.  One of them is a neat way to tell Jesus' story, especial for prechoolers.     

Ideas for an advent chain (you would need to print out the sheet if you'd like to create an advent chain).  The idea being that there are 25 scriptures and your family would read one scripture each night, cut out the strip of paper with that scripture and create a loop. Each night, you'd add to the chain.  It's not necessary that you create a chain - you can still read the associated scriptures.


Children also had the opportunity to draw something that will be used for the Christmas eve bulletin cover.  The instructions:  draw something that is special to you about Christmas.  Ideas - family, family traditions, something you have done at church, the Christmas story, friends, giving gifts.  As special as Santa Clause is, please avoid any Santa pictures for this effort.  I'll need the drawings from the future Picassos by December 12.

I love to hear about what families are doing to prepare themselves for the coming of the Christ Child.  Share your stories and your pictures with me - what was meaningful, what ideas really stuck with your kids, what info helped you in talking about Advent with your family.  Always great to share what works well for your family with others.  We are a community and a support for one another. 

Let us take a deep breath in this season that many people spend their time and energy wearing themselves out instead of preparing our hearts and minds for the coming of the Prince of Peace.  May we be intentional in our preparation - in our words, but, more importantly, in our actions.

Some pictures - sad that I didn't get a chance to take everyone's picture.  These are just some of the pictures.  I'll figure out a way to show you the others.

Good resources for parents with children

Read my post about resources for teenagers and parents - ditto

Worship/Faith
Hopes and Fears: Everyday Theology for New Parents and Other Tired, Anxious People:  the authors have written a book about being not-perfect parents in a not-perfect world. The result is a joyous celebration of child-rearing in which any parent no matter how perfect can share.
'I want to have a happy and healthy marriage, and I want to have happy, faithful kids,' proclaims co-author McCleneghan in the introduction to the book. 'But I reject the pervasive cultural lie that a happy marriage and the faithful kids are somehow the byproducts of some rigorous and largely unattainable personal or moral perfection.'
Thus, this book is neither a 'how-to' book nor a mere meditation. Rather, the authors seek to find the beautiful and the spiritual in the sometimes mundane activities that parents have performed since the beginning of history, while at the same time allowing beautiful and spiritual insights of the past to inform and shape the activities of modern parenting.
Praying in Color Kids' Edition:  This first-of-its-kind resource will forever change the way kids prayer - and how adults try to teach them to do it.

This is prayer that makes sense to kids. One minute a day will do. Any time of the day will work. Drawing with markers or crayons is h alf the prayer; the other half is carrying the visual memories throughout the day. Ages 5-11.

In the Midst of Chaos: Caring for Children as Spiritual Practice:  The author shows us how to integrate and strengthen the practice of faith in the everyday (and often mundane) experience of raising children. It reveals what it takes to find the spiritual wisdom in the messy, familial ways of living. By rethinking parenting as an invitation to discover God in the middle of our busy and overstuffed lives, it relieves parents of the burden of being the all-knowing authority figures who impart spiritual knowledge to children. Finding spirituality in family activities such as reading bedtime stories, dividing household chores, and playing games can empower parents to notice what they are already doing as potentially valuable and to practice it more consciously as part of their own faith journey.

Parenting in the Pew - Sunday morning isn't a success if she has only managed to keep the kids quiet. And she knows there's more to church for kids than trying out their new coloring books. Children are at church for the same reason as their parents: for the privilege of worshiping God. This is essential reading for parents and worship leaders who want to help children make joyful noises unto the Lord.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Prayers:  a book of tables blessings for families with young children - prayers for favorite foods, for special places, holidays, and family celebrations.

Children and Prayer:  a comprehensive guide about how children relate to God

The 10 Best Ways to Ruin your Child by Israel Galindo (my education professor in seminary and is top-notch).  The focus not on trying to "fix" our children, but on learning how to engage in better parenting behavior."3 of the 10: Tell your child to do something 2 or 3 times, Get involved in fights between siblings,

Do things for your child that she can do for herself

Sleeping with Bread:  basic premise is about relcting on one's day by asking the questions "for what am I most grateful today" and "for what am I least grateful today?"

Real Kids, Real Faith:  Practices for Nurturing Children's Spiritual Lives:  In a culture that has lost touch with love, compassion, and meaning, how can parents be intentional about building a spiritual foundation for their child's develoment?  The author offers resources to guide and sustain parents and children on their mutual journey.

Including children in worship - the resource that Park Road put together for parents to help with including children in worship and what we, as parents, can do to help before, during, and after to make worship a "success"

Pre-K worship materials:  Each Spring, the ministers at Park Road BC spend some time on Sunday morning, talking with the children who will be transitioning into worship the next fall.  This is a summary of what we cover.  Topics include worship, communion, baptism, prayer, music, and the Liturgical Year.

How to talk to your children about God

Selecting a bible for children - blog from a friend of mine.  Another one I would recommend is The Lectionary Story Bible and The Family Story Bible, all written by Ralph Milton.

To You - a beautiful poem about our children


General parenting help (discipline, all kinds of good stuff)
Parent Further - everyday parenting ideas from (a Search Institute resource for families).  Click here to go to a specific e-mail sent to me entitled It isn't easy being a parent.  If you click on the Parent Further link above, you'll have the opportunity to sign up for regular e-mails   about everyday parenting ideas.

"From time to time, all parents need a little help. Sometimes, a piece of solid, encouraging advice can help you have an “a-ha” moment that changes the way you think and act. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with kids, our positive, strength-based approach to parenting focuses on what’s right with kids (and parents), and the small, everyday steps you can take to help kids be successful in the future."

Love and Logic - "helps parents to have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages".   helps parents to have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages".   provides simple and easy to use techniques to help parents have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages."

How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk
An excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by the authors. They provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages.

Blessings of a Skinned Knee
Reflections on raising children in a world where entitlement and competition abound have struck a chord with thousands of readers. In a culture whose values are often at odds with the ones parents wish to uphold and instill, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee points the way to raising self–reliant, compassionate and ethical children. The book covers nine “blessings” that address key parenting issues such as:

• Teaching respect for adults
• Chores
• Keeping expectations in line with your child’s temperament
• Meal-time battles
• Coping with frustration
• Avoiding over-scheduling and overindulgence
• Helping your child develop independence and self-control

Search Institute (more resources here than you could ever use in your entire lifetime, but good stuff)

• a leader and partner for organizations around the world in discovering what kids need to succeed. Our knowledge and resources help motivate and equip caring adults to create schools, communities, and families where young people thrive.
• 40 developmental assets - common sense, positive experiences and qualities that help influence choices young people make and help them become caring, responsible, successful adults.

          Click here for the list for ages 8-12
          Click here for the assets for ages 5-9
          Click here for the assets for early childhood

Some books put out by the Search Institute
What Kids Need to Succeed: Proven, Practical Ways to Raise Good Kids
makes you an asset builder.  It can get whole communities involved in working together for kids.  Inspiring, practical, and easy to read,

Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose
From bed-wetting and eating to bath time and siblings, this guide helps parents foster rewarding relationships with their preschoolers through practical, creative solutions to sticky everyday situations. Imaginative and innovative approaches to 40 common challenges not only solve the immediate problems but also enhance the parent-child relationship, while 15 common issues that parents find themselves facing, such as finances, isolation, job demands, guilt, sleep deprivation, boredom, and unsolicited advice, are tackled with simple yet effective solutions.

Activities on the Go:  This compact, portable guide is packed with creative activities that are guaranteed to strengthen bonds between adult and child through simple, low-prep, low-cost suggestions designed to reinforce one-to-one relationships.

Discipline
101 positive principles of discipline

Backlash against overparenting
 
Articles
Love languages:  website

Knowing your child’s love language can help improve your relationship with your child, ensure a sense of security, and strengthen communication once you learn to speak his or her love language. The key is to understand how your child interprets love.

Technology resources - some good resources on the effects of video gaming and advertising and television on your children

Good parenting resources for parents with teenagers

Through trying to compile some good resources for teenagers and parents, I've realized that I could sit at my desk all day every day and keep compiling my list and keep editing and keep formatting in a way that looks really neat and tidy.

This list is by no means complete or completely throrough or even organized in a way that a perfectionist, such as myself, is comfortable with.  I plan to add to and edit as we go along.  I did want to get this out for folks in hopes that it will be beneficial to you as you walk the difficult journey of being the parent of a teenager.

I'm always open to good resources.  Please share with me/others if there is something out there that would help us.  Know that you don't walk this journey alone.

Books

The 10 Best Ways to Ruin Your Teenager by Israel Galindo (my education professor in seminary and is top-notch).   

 

the first mistake most parents make is to attempt to "parent" their teenager. The more helpful stance, the authors say, is a coaching and challenging relationship that helps guide the teenager toward maturity and personal responsibility. The authors identify the ten most common errors that parents make in their relationship with their teenagers, and they suggest ways to change ineffective parental behaviors that will only frustrate the teenager and keep the parents' marriage stuck. While the book focuses on principles of the parental relationship, the book contains practical and helpful examples on how to first, handle yourself, and then, handle your teenager.

 

Search Institute (more resources here than you could ever use in your entire lifetime, but good stuff)

• a leader and partner for organizations around the world in discovering what kids need to succeed. Our knowledge and resources help motivate and equip caring adults to create schools, communities, and families where young people thrive.
• 40 developmental assets - common sense, positive experiences and qualities that help influence choices young people make and help them become caring, responsible, successful adults.

          Click here for the list for ages 12-18
          Click here for the list for ages 8-12

 

Conversations on the Go:  Fun ways to encourage family and other youth-adult conversations, this book is filled with intriguing questions, guaranteed to stretch the imagination and bring out each other's personality and true self.

What Teens Needs to Succeed:  inspires and empowers teens to build their own assets. It invites readers to identify the assets they already have and the ones they need,

 

Parenting Preteens with a Purpose:  this guide offers parents practical how-tos for handling issues that arise in the preteen years, including peer pressure, bullying, friendship, self-discipline, money, body image, and good eating habits. In addition, a self-care section for parents highlights the many stresses adults face—job demands, financial pressures, isolation, perfectionism, and self-doubt

 

Connect 5:  Providing hope, encouragement, and practical advice, this book gives parents the tools to reach out and help their teens connect with other responsible and supportive adults.

 

Blessings of a Skinned Knee

Reflections on raising children in a world where entitlement and competition abound have struck a chord with thousands of readers. In a culture whose values are often at odds with the ones parents wish to uphold and instill, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee points the way to raising self–reliant, compassionate and ethical children.

address key parenting issues such as:

• Teaching respect for adults
• Chores
• Keeping expectations in line with your child’s temperament
• Meal-time battles
• Coping with frustration
• Avoiding over-scheduling and overindulgence
• Helping your child develop independence and self-control

How to be #SocialMediaParents:  A new book by Brian Foreman, friend and guru on youth ministry.

•  A practical guide for parents to better understand social media and how their children are using it.

• The first is to help parents better understand the technology available to their children. The second is to help parents better understand their teenagers. It would be a mistake however to assume this book is just about technology. Ultimately, it focuses on helping the parent use technology to enhance their offline relationships. This is critical for parent-teen relationship, for keeping children safe and for teaching teenagers about acceptable behavior online in public spaces

Online resources

Parent Further - Everyday Parenting Ideas from Search Institute [a resource for families]).  Click here to go to a specific e-mail sent to me entitled It isn't easy being a parent. 

If you click on the Parent Further link above, you'll have the opportunity to sign up for regular e-mails about everyday parenting ideas.

"From time to time, all parents need a little help. Sometimes, a piece of solid, encouraging advice can help you have an 'a-ha' moment that changes the way you think and act. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with kids, our positive, strength-based approach to parenting focuses on what’s right with kids (and parents), and the small, everyday steps you can take to help kids be successful in the future."

Love and Logic - "helps parents to have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages".   provides simple and easy to use techniques to help parents have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages."

Zits cartoons - click here to subscribe and get a Zits cartoon by e-mail each day; very funny cartoon about teenagers and parenting

Mom, Dad, Here's What I Wish You Knew, an e-book by Brian Foreman, a former youth minister, a dad of a teenager, and the person who puts together Social Media Parents. 

Social Media Parents - Their mission - To assist parents with building better communication with their teenagers, online and face-to-face.  Click here for the Facebook group.  

Michelle in the Middle - Author, educator, and social leadership strategist, Michelle Icard creates emotional relief for t(w)eens, parents, and educators by providing clear wisdom and pragmatic tools that ease stress and create connection.

        

Articles

The kids truly are all right - our teenagers are doing a lot better than our culture seems to suggest

7 rules for parents - some basic principles for good parenting

What happens when mom unplugs teens for 6 months - you might be surprised

Family variables that influence teen religious loyalty - information from the book Choosing Church

What parents/youth wished the other understood about them - a list pulled together from 2 separate conversations with Park Road parents and youth

Notice Me, a teen's plea

Parent advice from teenagers - from the book 10 best parenting ways to ruin your teenager (see above); you'll have to do a little shuffling and head turning when reading this article :)

Raising responsible kids - practical suggestions for pre-teens and full-blown teenagers

To You -a wonderful litany about how precious our children are

Discipline guidelines for teens - from the book 10 Best Parenting Ways to Ruin Your Teenager (see above).  You'll have to do a little head turning when reading it.

Backlash against overparenting - article from Time Magazine

How Happy are your kids - research from 2006 about what teens are stressed about and some coping mechanisms for parents.

Good Parenting Resources to come

Hey parents - does this ring true?  I imagine it does, whether you're the parent of a newborn, a toddler, a 3rd grader, or a teenager. 

I'm currently putting together some good (hopefully) parenting resources for both children and teenagers for this space.  Be on the lookout in the next couple of weeks.  If you're reading this, feel free to contact me with any good parenting resources.

I'm interested in all kinds of parenting resources, though I don't want it to end up being the "self-help" section of the internet for parents. For obvious reasons, I do have a particular interest in faith formation and how to help parents with this very important role. 

Sabbatical Culminating Event

The game Sorry was a favorite of the Kellett family while we were on Sabbatical together

I had such good intentions - go on Sabbatical, wax eloquently on the blogosphere about deep, theological convications about play and rest that would make the apostle Paul jealous.  I had a good start... 

I am grateful to the people at Park Road who encouraged me not to feel compelled to have to do everything on my Sabbatical that I set out to do.  Blogging was one of those ideas that fell into this category.  I've never been a big journaler, so I'm not entirely sure why I thought I would, all-of-the sudden, become an incredible blogger.  Now that Sabbatical has passed, I really do regret not having blogged more often.  I am Sorry. 

Nonetheless...
As part of my Sabbatical, I was asked to put together a culminating event upon my return - something that would be beneficial to the church and would tie in directly with my Sabbatical.  I'll be honest - I had a difficult time with this.  Many of our families are busy, busy, busy.  I don't say that in a negative way - just that there is a lot on many of our calendars.  I wanted to plan something that would center around the idea of play and rest, and then I would proceed to put something else on one's calendar.  Didn't seem to fit together for me.

I believe very strongly in the Church, in my church, and in my ministry.  I believe that we, as the Church, can play a vital role in this world and offer something to this world that people need and want.  And it can be something that strengthens our faith without having to have to open the Bible and have Bible Study. 

I also thought that my culminating event needed to be something that, upon engaging, people would say, "that just blew my mind". (FYI - I'm a huge Seinfeld fan). 

I often find myself needing to blow everyone's minds with what I spend my time on - with my family, with my wife (hope that she likes her birthday presents), and with my ministry.  Maybe the last thing people need in their lives is something more fancy and big and complicated and what folks need is something simple, easy - somewhere they can laugh and eat a bowl of soup and play a fun game with their own family and with their church family.  Maybe what folks need is a time to take a breath, to rest - time to play.

So...

On Friday, January 18 from 6:30-8:30 pm, we will gather as a community of faith to eat and play together.  Here is the official blurb that I am sending out:

Play is the reset button God gives us to get a fresh take on a situation and to renew our lives.

Do you need a time of Sabbath rest, of renewal, of being re-created?  You’re invited to a time of play at Park Road on Friday, January 18 from 6:30-8:30 pm in the community center.  As part of my culminating Sabbatical event, we will be enjoying a time of fellowship around the table.  We’ll share a soup supper together and then play together.  We’ll play all sorts of games – board games, card games, games of luck, games that take thought. 

Please let the church office or Michael know if you’ll be attending.  If you’d be willing to bring a pot of soup, please let us know that as well.

Hope that you won’t be “Sorryed” at our time together – the Kellett children may laugh as they make you go back to Start.  If you are "Sorryed", hope you'll laugh along

More in my next blog post about the importance of rest and play.  For now, get your games ready (I'm really good at Sorry, so watch out) and make sure that this Friday night from 6:30-8:30 at Park Road is on your calendar.  What a wonderful time of rest and fun it will be.