God, help me

This was a blog post I did for River Road Church a few weeks ago.

I hurt for people who are treated differently, for whatever reason.  In the midst of Advent, a season of hope, I hope for people of faith to actively work to break down the walls that separate, many of which we have erected ourselves (knowingly and unknowingly).  In light of what happened in Ferguson and in New York with the incidents with two African Americans and police, how will we respond?  As a person of privilege (because I was born in America with the correct colored skin and to a family who didn’t have to worry about where my next meal was coming from), God, help me to do something.

How will we respond – in our churches, in our schools, in our homes?  It is easy for me to sit on my couch, to be saddened at the goings-on in Missouri and other places around the world, and then just continue on with my life, not wanting to be bothered with the difficult reality of how I’m not really doing my part to make sure it doesn’t happen again, and then just continue on with my life as-is.  God, help me to move beyond just feeling sad.

We can talk about whether the police officers were “justified” or not (I have difficulty with justifying lethal force and violence, but that’s for another time).  We can have conversations about why there is more crime in certain neighborhoods or why people in some parts of the city struggle to put food on their plates or why prisons have a larger percentage of people of color than not (according to one statistic I read, African Americans make up 30% of the general population and 60% of the inmate population).  For those of us who are privileged (most of us who are reading this fall into that category), what will we do about this?  God, help me to move beyond just having conversations about who is at fault and move toward building relationships and working for justice so that these incidents stop happening.

We have some great opportunities at River Road to be involved in reconciliation – our prison ministry, CARITAS, CrossOver, ESL, the Richmond Baptist Centers, and the MICAH initiative to name a few.  All of these ministries provide opportunities to build relationships, to spend time getting to know people who are different than we are.  God, help me to actively work for justice for those who are treated differently.

Resources for parents to help with the season of Advent

What a wonderful time we had at our ADVENT-ure lunch - for children and families for a time of fellowship and learning more about this season of preparation we call Advent.  We had over 80 people to attend.  Many, many thanks to all the folks who helped to make our time possible – Ella Ryan, Meg Rooney, Beth Rooney, Lindsey Stevens, Jennifer Freeman, Jan Davis, Christine Kellett, Betty Rose Sexton, Tuckie Paxton, Jane Terry, Ann Bagwell, Margaret Almond, Peggy Stevens, Betsy Lowery, Russ Collins, Bonnie Way, Jean Cauble, Chuck Ursiny (sexton).  Folks who helped that I forgot to mention - my sincere apologies.

I wanted to provide you with the resources from our time together.  Here is the folder for Advent resources.  In the folder, you'll find:

Directions to make a pipe cleaner advent wreath - a good way for preschoolers or other children to have their own advent wreath and not have to worry about burning the house down.

A coloring book about the story of Jesus' birth.  A good opportunity for young children to have to color and learn about the story of Jesus' birth.

We created an Advent jar at our lunch (see picture below).  We took a jar and 25 popsicle sticks and wrote different ideas on each stick that will help us prepare for Jesus' coming.  Some examples:  Share your Christmas dinner with someone, do a favor for someone without being asked, or share your favorite Christmas memories.  A lot of ideas to choose from (the ideas are in the folder).  Each evening, as you eat dinner together, select one of the ideas from the jar.

Some general information for advent that will be helpful in talking with your children about Advent and its meaning.  You can create your own advent wreath (we actually used an advent "box").  We got a block of Oasis (floral foam), stuck 4 candles in it (3 purple and 1 pink) and then decorated with greenery.  There are all kinds of advent wreaths/boxes that you can create.  Google it (when did you ever think google would become a verb).

Making Advent Rocks, a neat way to tell Jesus' story, especially for prechoolers.  I had planned on doing this at the lunch.  Unfortunately, the rocks arrived one day too late.  I have created the pictures for each of the days listed.  You can find those pictures in the folder. Feel free to use all the descriptions or just some of them, or create some of our own.

Ideas for an advent chain (you would need to print out the sheet if you'd like to create an advent chain).  The idea being that there are 25 scriptures and your family would read one scripture each night, cut out the strip of paper with that scripture and create a loop. Each night, you'd add to the chain.  It's not necessary that you create a chain - you can still read the associated scriptures.

Using an Advent calendar.  At River Road Church this year, we are all using the same Advent calendar.  On the back, you’ll find some words you can say at dinner each evening, especially if you’re lighting a candle on your advent wreath. 

Here is a link to the advent information on the church’s website.  There, you can find some more information, including the daily advent devotionals written by our members and illustrated by our 3^rd-5^th graders.  The writers used the scriptures from the advent calendar above.  What a great way for our entire church to use the same resource.        

I came across a resource from 2012 (named Advent - Home Services in the folder) that our church put together that gives some ideas for some short worship services (a reading, a prayer, and lighting of the candle).  Similar to what is on the back of the advent calendar - just some different ways to share time together with your family.


I love to hear about what families are doing to prepare themselves for the coming of the Christ Child.  Share your stories and your pictures with me - what was meaningful, what ideas really stuck with your kids, what info helped you in talking about Advent with your family.  Always great to share what works well for your family with others.  We are a community and a support for one another.  

Let us take a deep breath in this season that many people spend their time and energy wearing themselves out instead of preparing our hearts and minds for the coming of the Prince of Peace.  May we be intentional in our preparation - in our words, but, more importantly, in our actions.



Some pictures (thanks to Lindsey Stevens for her great skills in taking pictures)

Why the Kellett kiddos take communion

It is likely the majority of our families at River Road Church, where I currently serve, do not allow their children to receive communion until they are baptized.  West, Mattie, and Marian do receive the elements.  Every time I receive communion, there is something unhealthy inside of me that thinks all eyes are glaring at us - "how could you let your kids take communion; they're not baptized; they don't understand the true meaning of communion. You're bad parents."  (I told you it was unhealthy).  In case your mind takes you to a bad place, the folks at River Road Church are loving and kind and I'm so grateful to be a part of this community of faith.

I initially wrote this post for the pastor's blog at church.  I share my thoughts as a way for all of us folks in churches to have some conversations about how we welcome our children in our churches.

I was limited in the amount of words I could use, so my thoughts are fully formed here.  When my inbox is empty :), I'll elaborate.

The Kellett children participate in communion, and they’re not baptized.  I wanted to share with you why.  Maybe this will help us think about why we take communion and the meaning it has for us.  I wish I had more space to develop my thoughts but, alas, my word count is limited.

I grew up in a Baptist church. Until I was baptized, I had to pass the bread and cup from the deacon to my dad without partaking.  I never understood why I couldn’t participate, other than I couldn’t take communion until I was baptized.  I don’t remember when I began to think about my own theology of communion – maybe when Christine and I became parents (that’s when you develop most of your theology anyway – “why did GOD make mosquitoes?”).  The most important part of our thinking about communion is that GOD’S table is a place of welcome.  Cecil Sherman would say that we don’t police GOD’S table.  Here at River Road, we talk about the gifts of GOD for the people of GOD.  Mike always reminds us that the table is not our table but the Lord’s table.

For us as parents, it’s not as important that they understand all the symbolism about communion. Children can’t think in the abstract until they reach age 11 or 12, so to expect them to understand all the symbolism about communion isn’t developmentally appropriate.  For us, it’s enough that they know that this is a meal that we share to remember how special Jesus is to us and we remember the last meal that Jesus had with his friends, the disciples.  And they know this because we talk with them about why we take communion on every first Sunday of the month.

For Christine and me, we want our kids to take communion because it’s something tangible and concrete our children can grab onto (both literally and figuratively).  I like what Andy McAllister said in the capital campaign video – “GOD meant for us to have all of our senses…fully engaged in worshipping [GOD] or GOD wouldn’t have given us all of our senses.”

We want our kids to take communion because it shows our children that they belong, that they are a part of this community.  As a community of faith, we need to continue to think about how we show our children that they are important to Jesus, important to this world, and important to this church.

Jesus said, “don’t prevent the children from coming to me.”  It’s important for Christine and me that we provide opportunities for our children to meet Jesus, to celebrate Jesus, to worship GOD, and to participate with their community of faith in remembering Him.

Youth Sunday

Really sad/mad at myself that I didn't get a group picture yesterday.
This one, from Passport last year, will have to do.

Dear Youth of River Road Church,
I don't even know where to begin.  Youth Sunday yesterday was fantabulous!!!  I wanted to share with you some of my own thoughts and some of the responses I've had from people in the last 24 hours.

• When we were at the U of R dining hall yesterday (BTW - I'm still full), I received a text from my wife Christine.  It said, "West (our 8 year old son) just told Mattie (our 6 year old daughter) that she should have been in worship because Youth Sunday was great!"  Christine didn't ask him what he thought about worship in order to set him up to say something nice - he shared that by himself.

• This morning, in staff meeting, the ministerial staff spent the better part of 15 minutes talking about how impressed they were with you.  Not because I asked them to or they felt compelled to say something nice - they genuinely were gushing over how well you led and how well you prepared to lead and that you had good news to share.

• For you to have made an impression on an 8 year old boy and on the ministers of the church is really, really impressive.  

• From an e-mail this morning - I have been involved with youth services, years ago in my home church, and really didn’t enjoy them, finding them stressful since I had a part in many of them.  In more recent years, I haven’t attended on Youth Sunday, taking advantage of a Sunday when the Chancel Choir didn’t have to sing by going to church with my husband.  But I am so glad that I attended yesterday.  It was as polished a service as I have seen.

• From a minister on staff here - A wonderful Youth Sunday (are we being permanently replaced??)

• Thank you for coordinating such a beautiful service today. The youth did a wonderful job with playing the piano and organ, hand bells, singing, reading Scripture, and providing the sermons.  The congregation enjoyed having them lead worship and were impressed with their maturity and expressions of faith.

• Amazing service today!!  It was absolutely beautiful.

• One church member told Dr. Clingenpeel that, when she arrived, she was a little disappointed when she realized it was Youth Sunday.  She had wanted "some depth" to worship.  After the service, she was so glad she came.

• People keep thanking me for yesterday.  My hope was to put you in a position where you could share your gifts and that I could help prepare you for leading in worship yesterday.  You chose the scriptures, you wrote the sermons, you wrote the prayers, you chose the litanies, you put the Children's Time together - you did it.  I couldn't be more proud - not because I thought you couldn't do it.  I am proud because, yesterday, people got to see what I get to see on a continual basis - teenagers who are extremely gifted and have the capabilities to help bring about the Kingdom of God here on Earth.  

• My prayer for you for yesterday - that you would lead in worship in such a way that pointed people to God.  When people left worship, I wanted them to have had a worshipful experience, not be thinking about how cute you were.  Don't get me wrong - you're pretty cool and awesome and cute, but I didn't want that to be what they took away from worship.  I wanted them to have a worshipful experience...and they did.    

• The following is a quote I put in the bulletin.  It conveys a lot of my thoughts about you and worship leadership.

Youth (and children) are often seen solely as the future of the church. This implies that they aren’t really a part of the present church. They usually have their own building, which is separate from the rest of the church, often because they are too noisy, rambunctious, and scary. When youth do participate in worship on Youth Sunday, people often want to applaud them for their performance. The thought for many is that this is a break from our regular worship.

This morning, may we see our youth as full participants in the present church. This morning, may we see our youth not as performers on a stage wanting approval, but as persons who will help lead us in worship. This morning, may we worship God together, as we do each Sunday.

• I had to correct 3 different people yesterday, who said that the Church is in good hands for the future.  I tell them they're right - the future is in good hands, but the present is in pretty darn good hands as well.  You are an important part of this community of faith, of this youth group, of this world RIGHT NOW. God knows it, I know it, so many people know it.  I hope you know it.

Whether you preached or prayed or read or sang or played or deaconed or ushered, every single one of you helped to point people to God.  Thank you for your leadership yesterday. Thanks for letting me walk alongside you on this journey.  Thank you for your willingness to allow God to speak a good word through you.  Thank you for the welcome that you have shown to me and my family.  Looking forward to many more years together.  

Danke Schoen [because I wanted to find another way to say thank you :)]

MK

Water Color by Emily Whitty

Bulletin cover drawn by Emily Whitty

The idea of the water color and the bulletin cover (this idea came from several youth, not just Emily) - the doors to the sanctuary are open.  You are welcome in this place.  

If I find out that there were more pictures taken, I'll share them with you.

Lenten and Holy Week Resources for children, parents, and families

I've pulled together some resources to help grand/parents and children and families about Lent and the events of Holy Week.

This document is some general information for families about the Lenten season.  It includes some general information about the season of Lent and some ideas for disciplines in which everyone in the family can practice together.

This document is some general information about how children of different ages understand the events of Holy Week and how adults can share the Easter Faith with children.  I am indebted to Carolyn C. Brown for her wisdom in the book Sharing the Easter Faith with Children.

This document is a good, 1 page summary of my notes about Holy Week.  Make sure to read the legend first.  Otherwise, you might be confused.

Hope this is helpful

MK

communication with teenagers

When I began this blog as part of my Sabbatical in 2012, I had some grand ideas about what this space would look like.  I could share what I was reading, share my thoughts about important issues, do some creative stuff.  Alas, it hasn't panned out quite that way.  I do try to use this space to share resources on different topics that I'm preparing for.

One day, one day...when my inbox is empty.

Here are some resources for parents of teenagers about communication.  This will certainly not be an exhaustive list - just some notes and resources that I used in our most recent parent education time.

I shared with the parents that learning to communicate well with your teenager about the small things will give you solid ground to stand on when it comes to the bigger stuff.  Communicating with your teenager about faith can be daunting.  When teenagers learn that you actually listen to what they're saying and actually care, they'll be more willing to listen to you about most things. Believe it or not, parents are still the go-to for teenagers regarding many issues.  Don't take that for granted.

An interview with a neuropsychologist who shares that teens' brains actually work differently than adults' when processing emotional information from external stimuli.  This is good information about how teenage brains interpret emotions and facial expressions.

Why Do Teens Act the Way they Do - an article based on the book Why Do They Act That Way by David Walsh.  Good information about the teenage brain and how it is a work in process.  The pre-frontal cortex, the part of our brain that helps us, among other things, to think through the consequences of our actions, helps with decision making, rational behavior, and mature judgment, does not fully mature until mid-20s. This info can give us some clues as to how we can use this information to better understand our teenagers and how we can communicate differently based on this information.

Practical help - Some practical strategies on how you can improve communication with your teenager

Parent Further - an effort of the Search Institute.  Helpful information on everyday parenting issues. You can sign up to receive their free e-newsletter.

Social Media Parenting - Information from Brian Foreman, youth ministry consultant and social media educator.  Great resources about social media and communication.  Not just resources about how to make sure your kid is safe online but resources about how this relates to communication.  You can also like Social Media Parents on Facebook.

Powerpoint I used for the parent education time.  I can't promise that it will totally make sense, as I didn't use a ton of words.  It does include a lot of Zits cartoons, which are extremely funny because they're what life is like with a teenager.

These are my notes from the parent education time.  Again, can't promise they'll be helpful. I have realized in my years of ministry that I like to go find all the research (and I do mean all the research) on a certain subject.  There was one time that, as I was planning for a youth retreat, I had to cut myself off at 36 pages of research (don't get too excited - I'm not that smart or wise; I was cutting and pasting, not typing).  ALL THAT TO SAY that my notes may be wordy and not organized into neat categories, but if you're willing to read through my notes, you may find some helpful nuggets.

The page numbers that are referenced in my notes are from the book How to Talk so Teens will Listen and Listen so Teens will Talk.  A good book about practical strategies with communication.

To You - a litany/prayer by Ann Weems. Beautiful reminder of the importance of cherishing your children.

As always I'm happy to help gather other resources or point you in the right direction.

Take Aways from our time together

• Most important nugget I took away from my 8000 pages of research - ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS.  When someone brushes your feelings aside, you’re not likely to want to continue a conversation.  

• A nugget several parents told me they took away from our time together - be careful about how you use sarcasm.  Make sure you communicate exactly what you're thinking and feeling and, if using sarcasm, make sure they understand that you're using sarcasm (all this has to do with brain development stuff).

Faith Formation Resources for parents of children

What a wonderful time of conversation at our first opportunity of education for our parents of children.  There has been some conversation about having an opportunity to gather together on a regular basis - once every 6-8 weeks.  I'll be in touch.

There is so much to share.  We are so limited in our Sunday school hour, but I was grateful to have an intentional time to gather face-to-face and to communicate that you are not alone, that you are awesome parents, and that the church is here to help support you as you walk your own journey of faith and do your best to help your child to walk that same journey.

I wanted to share some resources with you.

"Why I make Sam Go to Church" - This is a chapter from the book Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott.  If you've not read a book of hers, I highly recommend it (based on recommendations from friends and my wife). This chapter is a wonderful reminder of why we bring our kids to church.  Coming to church has a lot to do with being a part of a community of faith and not just hoping that you can impart specific beliefs about Christianity into your child's head.  People's faith is formed by looking over the shoulders of admired, older Christians, taking up a way of life that has been made real and accessible through this person's witness.

Ideas for nurturing a child spiritually - Helpful information put together by The Center for Spiritual Development in Childhood and Adolescence, which was an effort put together by the Search Institute (the center is no longer "alive").  The list includes how children may be developing spiritually, what you may be experiencing as a parent, and specific ideas of how you can nurture your child's spirituality.  The list is broken up into ages birth-3, 4-6, 7-9, 10-14, and 15-18.

To You - a litany/prayer by Ann Weems that we read at the end of our time together.  Beautiful reminder of the importance of cherishing your children.

My notes from our time together - includes quotes from books about the importance of parents in the role of faith formation, and a definition of faith and the implications for our child's faith formation.

Parenting resources - several resources that are online and a couple of books to help with your role as primary faith former [don't forget - God does play a role in faith formation as well :)]

Ideas for how to create nurture your child's spirituality every day - pretty self-explanatory

Don't be overwhelmed at the number of resources.  Take a look, read at your leisure (what leisure?), and try something out.  Don't try out 18 different ideas - just pick one and really work at it.

All people learn

• 10% of what he hears
• 20% of what she reads
• 50% of what he sees
• 90% of what she does

So, don't just talk about it.  Live it out, work at it.  You don't have to have all the answers but do show them that your own Christian journey is important.  Children are smart - they'll figure out that if it's not important to you, it's not likely to be important to them.

Keep on keeping on.  Be reminded that there is a community of faith who supports you and wants to help as we travel this journey together.  And there is a God who never leaves us, who never stops caring about us, and who continues to call us to love God with all of who we are and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Not just to make sure that our kids do this but that we do as well.

Whatever you do with your life—whatever you end up achieving or not achieving—the great gift you have in you to give to the world is the gift of who you alone are; your way of seeing things, and saying things, and feeling about things, that is like nobody else’s. If so much as a single one of you were missing, there would be an empty place at the great feast of life that nobody else in all creation could fill.                                                    

                                                                                                                                                                     - Frederick Buechner