Sipping from the fire hose

Last week, I attended a conference in Washington, D.C. entitled Children, Youth, and a New King of Christianity.  While there wasn't one particular group who was putting on the conference, it was led by many leaders in the Emergent Church.  I don't pretend to understand all of what the Emergent Church is about, but I do know that they are spending some time, re-thinking all things church. 

If I'm honest (and I will be), I have no idea how to convey all that I learned.  One of my friends described the conference as "trying to drink water from a fire hose".  If you can think about all the sermons that have really "fired you up" (in a good way) and then imagine listening to all of those for 3 straight days, that was my experience.  Wow! 

If you have an interest in reading more about it, I'll point you to 3 folks who spent some time writing about their experiences. 

1. www.baptiststoday.org/cartledge-blog/month/may-2012 - 3 blog posts of 3 of the speakers - Brian McLaren, John Westerhoff, and Tony Campolo. 
2. www.patheos.com/blogs/carlgregg/2012/05/highlights-from-children-youth-a-new-kind-of-christianity/#comments - small nuggets from each of the days
3. http://www.simplypastormatt.com/ -  At the typing of this blog, he had summarized only part of the conference.

Some musings:

• The role of the parent in faith formation of our children and youth is vital.  The role of faith formation has been given to the church and, while the Church does play an important part, if we desire for our children to become committed disciples of Jesus Christ, then parents have to share their faith, act out their faith.  Just think about where our children spend their time.  My own children spend about 5 hours a week at church.  They spend a few more at our home with our family. 
• Malcolm Gladwell writes that it takes around 10,000 hours to master one's craft.  How much time are our children spending mastering the craft of becoming disciples of Jesus?  If someone spends 2 hours a week at church, it'll take 100 years to "master the craft" (assuming their experiences at church are helpful in becoming a disciple).  If someone spends 1 hour a week, it would take 200 years.  Point - to become a "master" requires that faith formation happen in all parts of our lives, not just at church.  Our faith must be holistic and move beyond one that just turns us into a "Sunday Christian" (my faith is important on Sunday but then I leave it at church).
• "Service is discipleship.  It should be something we do every day, not just a one-time deal to get service hours." 
• "The opposite of faith is certainty, not doubt."
• In a study done of children who were baptized as infants (I think the Catholic church), 83% of those children had left the church by the end of High school.  In the Southern Baptist tradition,  80% of college freshman had left the church.  Don't quote me on these stats in your next book - I can't find the study and I'm only 99% sure about the exact details of which church.  If we deem faith formation to be important, we don't have a very good record of making committed disciples.

One of the main things that continues to haunt me is what are we doing (we being the Church and our families) to help our children to become committed disciples of Jesus Christ.  What we're doing (we being the universal we here) isn't working for the majority of our children. 

In a study done in 2005 of the common religious beliefs among American youth, the authors defined the tenants of the religion that most teenagers in America subscribe to (these ideas were true across all religions, not just Christianity).

A god exists who created and ordered the world and watches over human life on earth.
1. God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions.
2. The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself.
3. God does not need to be particularly involved in one's life except when God is needed to resolve a problem.
4. Good people go to heaven when they die.

This type of religion understands God as a "divine butler" - one who is only concerned about my personal problems.  I hope we're conveying and showing and pointing our children to a God who is bigger than the one described above. 

Why do children believe in a God as described above?  Many factors but one that stood out to me - our youth believe in this God because our parents believe in this God (this comes from the book, not my assessment, so don't write me nasty comments).  Certainly, the Church plays a role in this, but how are we in the Church helping parents to "pass on their faith"?  How are we in the Church creating a system where parents abdicate their role as faith formers and pass that role onto the church?  How are we as parents spending time with our children, talking about and, more importantly, showing our faith?

So many questions - so few answers - at least right now.  I look forward to sitting with all of this and seeing what settles out. I look forward to sitting with families in our church to see how we will move forward - together.

For now, I'll open my mouth a little wider, hoping that some of that water from the hose settles into me and becomes a part of my being.

Spending time at the ballfield

Why is it that I have it in my mind that I need to plant myself in my office chair every day? 

I'm trying to do a better job of getting to where our teenagers are these days - ball fields/courts/dance floors/stages.  On Monday, I was only planning to see one of our youth play baseball (I showed up for a game with a team that they had previously beated 41-0 - yes, that's the correct score).  It turns out that another youth was playing soccer at the same school, so I got to watch her too (I left when it was 5-0 in the 1st half; not sure the other team ever got it past midfield). 

I'd like to move into "Jimmy mode".  Jimmy is a character from Seinfeld (my favorite TV show).  Jimmy always speaks of himself in 3rd person.  For the rest of my post, I shall move into Jimmy mode (If you're having a rough day, click here for some Jimmy clips.  If you're having a great day, click on the link).


Jimmy
image from http://www.dailyseinfeld.com/

Theoretical Michael believes that he needs to be spending less time in the office.  Realistic Michael believes that spending time in the office is more important.  He believes this because there is a flat cushion in his office, which means he's gained too much weight or he's sitting too much.  How shall realistic Michael respond to all the e-mails from congregants and make sure that all the details are taken care of for his upcoming retreat if he's at the ball fields?

Theoretical Michael knows that what he believes to be most important is shown by what he spends most of his time doing.  His actions are showing that office time trumps most everything else.

non-Jimmy mode

I really enjoyed myself on Monday - being outside, breathing in fresh air, seeing blue sky instead of the whiteish/yellowish demons called the lights in my office, seeing where some of the youth at PRBC experience life - on a field, enjoying their ability to run around, chasing a pelota and laying the smack down.

I'm gonna give my office chair cushion a break in the next several weeks - spring retreat, lacrosse games, softball game, musical, baseball games, seeing my own son play baseball (he's in a slump; rub some chicken bones together for him).  I hope that I'll take notice of the joy that others have while on the field.  I hope that I'll take notice of my own joy of seeing people do what they love to do, things that are bringing our youth life. 

I really hope that I'll just enjoy myself.  Won't you join me?

Why parents should educate their kids about tech

I would love to figure out some awesome, creative, organizing way to put a folder on my blog with some great parent resources. Alas, I still lack the knowledge of the blogosphere.  So, I'll just post good parent resources when I get them.  Click here for an article on why parents whould educate their kids about technology. 

When I figure out how not to plod through this website, I'll alert you to my new-found knowledge. 

feeling better about myself as a parent

I broke down and watched Toddlers and Tiaras last night for the first time.  I have a new appreciation for myself as a parent - I'm pretty good.

For those of you who don't know about the show - it's a show on TLC that follows around different contestants and their families as they prepare for and compete in child pageants.  Here is some silliness from the show:

I couldn't take my eyes off of the TV last night (and I'm paying for it this morning).  Parents continually did things to their children that were not in their best interest (giving them sugar-laced food (pixie sticks are known as pageant crack) and drink (Mountain Dew is known as Special Juice) to give them some energy, putting tips on your child's fingers because she threw a temper-tantrum, even though the "stylist" had said it probably would damage her fingernails).   

Children continued to rule the roost in these houses.  On more than 1 occassion, I heard a child say, "I'm the boss".  Children would continually scream until they got their way.  I found myself fussing at the parents on TV - "what are you thinking?", "don't let your child talk to you that way - you are the parent and they are not."

A funny from last night - the emcee would share something with the crowd that was unique about each contestant.  "When Heaven grows up, she wants to...", "Alana enjoys playing with her dolls and looks forward to shooting her first deer...", but my favorite from last night - "Susan's favorite food is formula". 

Please don't come to my house and critique my parenting - I'm far from perfect.  We all are, but I think we do a pretty darn good job. 

As I'm beginning to think about my Sabbatical (I'm putting together a conference of what will youth ministry look like in the future), I'm been wondering about parenting and kids' needs.  What do kids need to help them grow up into mature adults that we'd be proud to call our own?  What do parents need to help them on this journey?  What will a youth ministry (and for that matter, the Church) look like that provides what kids and parents need?

I wonder what these children will look like when they're teenagers?  when they're adults?  Will they have learned how to listen to others?  Will they ever learn that the universe doesn't center around them?  When rules need to be enforced, how much will the parents be seen as the authority?

I want to begin a new reality show - "Teens of child pageantry fame".  Anybody willing to sponsor me?

"What will these children look like when they're adults?"  Hmmm...  



                                                             I miss you Tammy Faye

WWYMD #whatwillyouthministrydo

As part of my Sabbatical in August-October of this year (grateful to Park Road for their wisdom in providing space for all ministers on staff to step away to be re-created), David Woody (of Providence BC Charleston fame) and I are planning a conference about the future of youth ministry.  The youth ministry model of "if you plan it, they will come" no longer applies.  Click here for an introduction to what the conference will look like.  We are at the beginning stages of planning, so still more details to be ironed out. 

My hope is to come out of this conference with specific ideas about the future of youth ministry and how all of us who are impacted (families, teenagers, the Church, youth ministry, youth ministers) can move forward in a productive way, instead of continuing to beat our heads against the wall about why this model doesn't work and why do juniors and seniors often disappear from youth ministry and ...

2 good parent resources

I want to use this blog for many purposes - recording my thoughts, especially while I'm on Sabbatical August-October 2012, but I also want to use this as a library - to gather resources that I've been reading - on church, on youth ministry, on parenting - basically, whatever hits my fancy on a certain day. 

Here are 2 parenting resources that are worth looking into:

• Everyday Parenting Ideas from Parent Further (a Search Institute resource for families).  Click here to go to a specific e-mail sent to me entitled It isn't easy being a parent. 

If you click on the Parent Further link above, you'll have the opportunity to sign up for regular e-mails about everyday parenting ideas.

• Another great resource - Love and Logic - "helps parents to have more fun and less stress while raising responsible kids of all ages".